some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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