so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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