I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
