Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
