I'm gonna have a badass scar
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
