similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
