I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
