pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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