Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
