i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Randomize
