Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Soap is not a condiment
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
