i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
