Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
