you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
