Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
