Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
