We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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