my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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