I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
