Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
