Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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