I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
