I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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