My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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