Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
