After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
