if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
