The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
