Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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