he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
