i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
