he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
