it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
