Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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