apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
no you cant smoke seaweed
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
