we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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