some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
