textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize