Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
