We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
