Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
