Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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