his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
