I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
