note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
