I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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