dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
