I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
