Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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