OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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