I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
