Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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