so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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