My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
