ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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